of love potions and antidotes
by bicie
Summary: terrible things are happening at Hogwarts...


Disclaimer: I do not, and will never own or claim to own any of these characters. All that I own is the insanity and pure craziness. Everything else belongs to the one and only almighty J.K. Rowling who has provided hours and hours of entertainment!!  
Of Love Potions and Antidotes  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into Potions to find their class in chaos.  
  
"Where's Snape?" Ron asked, as they settled themselves down toward the back of the classroom and Trevor soared over his head, followed soon after by Neville.  
  
"Honestly!" said Hermione waving her wand and bringing Neville safely back to his feet. He thanked her quickly and then ran after his toad. Hermione glared at Malfoy who was waving his wand furiously causing Trevor to zoom faster and higher out of Neville's reach.  
  
"I don't understand," began Harry. "Snape has never not been here before."  
  
As if in reply to Harry's confusion, the door they had just entered flew open and in walked the most cheerful teacher at Hogwarts.  
  
Professor Gilderoy Lockhart was back at Hogwarts, but now taught Fame Management. (It wasn't a very popular class.) His memory loss had been permanent, but Dumbledore had reasoned that with the coming of Voldemort, the students needed something to laugh at.  
  
"Hello! Hello!" greeted Professor Lockhart, dressed in bright magenta robes.  
  
Harry and Ron groaned. "This is the only time you will hear me say this," began Ron, "but I wish Snape were here."  
  
Hermione was blushing profusely and had suddenly turned her full attention to the front of the room where Lockhart stood, beaming as usual.  
  
The class quieted, not in respect but more in shock. Where was Snape?  
  
Malfoy seemed to be taking it a bit harder than the others.  
  
"I regret to inform you all that your dear Professor Snape, bless his heart, has taken ill. Fortunately, you all have the privilege of having me as a substitute. Today as you all well know is Valentine's Day. Love is in the air!"  
  
Hermione blushed even harder and glanced quickly to her left at Ron who was busy whispering something to Harry. Both boys laughed.  
  
"In honor of this exquisite holiday," Lockhart continued, "we will be making love Potions. The recipe does not appear in your books, however, I, being the scholar that I am, will lead you through the process, step by step."  
  
Hermione's hand shot into the air, as usual and shouted "Professor Lockhart, I read in Hogwarts, a History that love potions were banned from the school in 1572 just after-"  
  
"Honestly, Miss Granger, where is your holiday spirit?"Professor Lockhart grinned and Hermione huffed.  
  
After a few more brief instructions from Professor Lockhart, there was a rustling sound as the class began gathering supplies. Lockhart proceeded to pair the class up and much to his dismay Malfoy would be sharing a cauldron with Neville Longbottom who seemed just as disappointed, if not more.  
  
Harry and Ron were paired as usual and Hermione was paired up with Millicent Bulstrode who towered over her by a foot at least. Ron and Harry realized that Hermione would most likely be doing the entire assignment by herself but thought she would rather do it alone than have to work alongside the giant Slytherin girl.  
  
Half of an hour later, cauldrons were boiling over with a bright pink substance.  
  
"He likes this color way too much," said Ron, backing away as the liquid spilled onto the floor.  
  
"One final ingredient and our potions will be finished," said Lockhart, happily. "Pollen dust from the illustrious fuchsia plant." He held up a large jar full of a powder.  
  
"Pink," said Ron, not surprised. Lockhart made his way around the classroom, dishing out small portions to each group.  
  
"Now if the potion has been made correctly, you will hear a small poof!" His voice was shrill on the last word and Ron had to bury his face within his hands to keep from laughing.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud explosion from Malfoy and Neville's corner. The pink liquid had exploded in the cauldron and to the class's amusement, Malfoy was covered in the pink goop. Hermione rushed to Neville's side to make sure he was okay.  
  
"Longbottom, you idiot!" Malfoy shouted trying to clean himself up with the hems of his robes.  
  
"Now, now Mr. Malfoy. No name calling," Lockhart grinned.  
  
Hermione glared at Malfoy. "It's not all his fault you know! You helped!"  
  
Malfoy let his robes fall back to his ankle and then turned to say something snide to Hermione. But no snide remarks came. Instead, Malfoy's eyes were transfixed on hers and he was slowly creeping toward her.  
  
"Hey!" said Ron. "What's the sly little git up to now?" Harry followed Ron's gaze to the front of the room. Both boys leapt to their feet and had joined Hermione within seconds. Their wands were drawn and pointed at Malfoy, who paused.  
  
"Hermione," he said, cautiously. "Hermione Granger..."  
  
Hermione huffed and then tapped her foot impatiently. "I already know my name, Malfoy. Now, are you going to insult me? Or should I slap you now so you can save your breath?"  
  
Malfoy seemed aghast. "Hermione, dear Hermione. I would never say anything to hurt you." Jaws dropped all over the classroom.  
  
Lockhart clapped happily. "Oh goody!" he said prancing toward them. "It worked! This potion is designed to make its user fall in love with the first person he or she sees. Mr. Malfoy has so graciously demonstrated it for us. Take twenty points for Slytherin!"  
  
The class remained silent. All eyes were locked on Malfoy and Hermione.  
  
"When will this wear off?" Hermione asked as Malfoy stepped closer and grasped her hand, prepared to kiss it, but she jerked it away.  
  
"Wear off?" Lockhart looked puzzled. "Why would you want it to wear off?"  
  
"Because!" said Hermione stepping behind Ron as Malfoy once again reached for her. "It's Malfoy!"  
  
"Well...I ...uh...I don't know how long it lasts. Probably a couple of months, I think." Lockhart grinned just as the bell rang. "Happy Valentine's Day everyone!" he called, rushing from the room before Hermione could ask him another question.  
  
"Ugh! I can't believe this. Let's go." She led Harry and Ron from the room making sure they were on either side of her so that she was completely guarded from Draco Malfoy.  
  
***  
  
Hermione slammed her books down on the table in the common room later that evening, scattering Ron and Harry's chess pieces across the board.  
  
"Hey! I was winning!" shouted Ron.  
  
"You always win, Ron," she said angrily, glaring at him.  
  
"What's wrong, Hermione?" asked Harry trying as hard as he could not to smile. Her predicament was definitely an odd one but amusing at the same time.  
  
"I went to the library," she answered.  
  
"Hermione, you always go to the library," said Ron reaching under the table to pick up his queen.  
  
"Yes, but this time Draco was there!"  
  
"Draco? Oh, are we on a first name basis now?" laughed Ron.  
  
Harry laughed but stopped abruptly when he noticed Hermione's face. "He's...real...taken...with you isn't he," Harry said, the edges of his mouth twitching from trying so hard to keep a straight face.  
  
"This isn't funny!" she moaned slamming her head down on her pile of books. "Lockhart and his stupid potion! What was he thinking?!"  
  
Harry and Ron took advantage of the opportunity and grinned broadly. Her face was covered and she couldn't see them laughing.  
  
"Oy! Hermione! You got a letter!" George Weasley entered through the portrait hole followed closely by another face, exactly the same, belonging to his twin brother, Fred. "It was spell-o-taped to the Fat Lady," he explained, handing it to her.  
  
"Oh, no," she groaned. "Burn it!"  
  
"No! Let's read it!" Ron grabbed it out of her hand and tore it open. She jumped up and tried to take it from him but to no avail; his arms were much too high.  
  
She gave up and then sank into a chair closer to the fireplace.  
  
"My darling Hermione," Ron read. He sniggered along with Harry.  
  
"A LOVE letter, Hermione?" asked Fred curiously, grabbing it from Ron who was laughing much too hard to stop him. He continued where Ron had left off. "'Your hair is beautiful and so are your eyes.' Wow. A real poet." He rolled his eyes and then continued. "'I like to compare you with the skies. I think you are very wise. Yours truly, Draco Malfoy'. Draco Malfoy?" Fred repeated, himself laughing. "This will make for great blackmail, Ron," he winked.  
  
"Why is Malfoy writing you love letters," George asked curiously.  
  
"Isn't it obvious? He's in love with me!" shouted Hermione, grabbing a cushion off the chair and chucking it toward George, who ducked. Fred, however, did not and was struck in the face and fell backwards. He picked up the cushion and chucked it back in retaliation.  
  
Soon the common room was filled with the sounds of large, cotton-stuffed cushions smashing into human flesh. Each time the portrait hole opened, the poor, innocent newcomer just entering was buried in pillows.  
  
A killjoy began yelling for them to stop after nearly an hour and of course he too, was pelted with pillows. "That does it!" he yelled angrily, his voice muffled under the mountain on top of him. "When I get out of here, I'm fetching McGonagall!"  
  
"I think this would be a good time to head off to bed," yawned Fred as one by one the combatants trudged upstairs, grinning.  
  
***  
  
"I CANNOT eat with him grinning at me like that!" shouted Hermione at breakfast the next morning.  
  
"Well, at least I haven't had to beat him up lately," said Ron, his mouth full of food.  
  
"Honestly, Ron. Learn to speak with your mouth empty!" Hermione hissed, tying to ignore the grinning Malfoy. "Oh no! Protect me!" She grabbed Ron's arm, causing him to spill a spoonful of hot porridge onto his robes.  
  
"Look what-ohhh."  
  
Malfoy was standing beside them, his hands nervously behind his back. "I got something for you, lovey."  
  
"Lovey?" Harry mouthed to Ron who shrugged. Malfoy pulled his hands from behind his back and held a bouquet of giant red roses out to her.  
  
"I conjured them up myself!" Malfoy grinned excitedly. Hermione took them, reluctantly. "Well, see you then," he said, still grinning.  
  
When he had sat back down at the Slytherin table, Ron laughed. "Wow. Why would want this to end, Hermione? This is great! Malfoy hasn't insulted us for nearly a week!"  
  
"It's not fair to him Ron...Besides...he's Malfoy!!"  
  
Harry waved his wand "Accio," he said causing Dean's goblet to float toward them and lie on the table in front of Hermione. She stared at it, confused.  
  
"For the flowers," Harry explained.  
  
Hermione grinned slightly. "At least someone is being sympathetic," she huffed at Ron. She trimmed the stems and then soon a goblet of beautiful roses lay in front of her. She glanced over at Malfoy who waved. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing, she thought, waving back.  
  
***  
  
"I can't take it anymore!" said Ron, angrily, taking Harry's castle with his knight.  
  
Harry glanced up at his friend and shook his head. "You were the one who told her she should enjoy it," he said.  
  
"Yeah but I didn't think she would....He's Malfoy....He's the enemy!"  
  
"What do you suppose we should do?"  
  
"We need to find a counter spell."  
  
"You mean, do research? Are you sure you're up to this?"  
  
"I'll do anything to get Hermione back! Checkmate."  
  
"Yeah, what else is new," sighed Harry.  
  
The two boys put away their game and then headed to the library.  
  
They looked through every book in the spells, and counter-spells section and were about to give up hope when Harry shouted, "This will work! We've been looking in the wrong section, Ron! We need an antidote, not a counter- spell since it was a potion that did this, and not a spell." He set the book down in front of Ron who grinned.  
  
"All we need are a few ingredients and we can get them all from Snape's classroom. With Lockhart in charge, that should be no problem. This last one will be hard to get though. Ground root of Whomping Willow."  
  
"Hey, we've been through worse, right?"  
  
Later that night, under the safety of the Invisibility Cloak, they made their way toward the angry tree they had encountered only a short time earlier.  
  
It began to thrash its branches violently when they came within a foot of it.  
  
"Ron, you go first." Harry said pushing him forward.  
  
"Why do I have to go fist?"  
  
"Because...I'm...The Boy Who Lived. Who will destroy Voldemort if I get killed?"  
  
"Let's go in together," said Ron.  
  
"Right," said Harry. "That was going to be my next suggestion."  
  
"On the count of three....one....two....three..."  
  
Ron dove beneath the mad branches and stayed as low to the ground as he could. A large branch struck his shoulder and the same one left a gash on the back of Harry's leg.  
  
When they reached the trunk, Ron and Harry dug as quickly as they could. It didn't take too long for them to find the roots. They hacked at it fiercely with their wands.  
  
"I think this is enough," said Ron, placing the chunks into his pocket.  
  
"Good, lets get out of here."  
  
The climb back out was just as painful and when they were finally out of harm's way Harry asked, "What is so wrong with Malfoy liking Hermione, anyway?"  
  
***  
  
"Malfoy! Drink this!"  
  
"Why?" asked Malfoy. He was sitting beside Hermione in the library, staring at her dreamily while she read.  
  
"Because...ummm....it's good for you," said Ron pushing it toward him.  
  
"I'm healthy enough, Weasley."  
  
"Drink it!" Ron yelled causing Madam Pince to walk over and scold them.  
  
"Malfoy, we can do this the hard way," whispered Harry. "Or the easy way. It's up to you."  
  
"Your insults don't scare me, Potter."  
  
"Harry, Ron. Leave him alone. He's watching me read."  
  
"Oh, that's exciting, Hermione."  
  
"He doesn't seem to have any complaints, do you, Draco?"  
  
Ron cringed as Malfoy shook his head, his eyes never leaving Hermione's face. Malfoy was not supposed to look at Hermione that way. That was a special task Ron had declared his, and his alone, though he hadn't yet told Hermione.  
  
"Malfoy, this is your last chance," whispered Ron. Somehow his threats didn't seem as threatening when he was whispering.  
  
Hermione stood up. "Ronald Weasley, you're only jealous because I am spending more time with him than with you!"  
  
"Jealous? Me? Hah!" He paused a moment to blush and the said, "okay, well...maybe a little. Hermione, we miss you lecturing us all the time."  
  
"Yeah," said Harry. "And we miss...uh...your shoes and the...way they...sound when you're walking with us!"  
  
Ron and Hermione glanced at him, confused and he shrugged.  
  
Ron, in an angry attempt to win back the love of his life, dumped the contents of the goblet onto Malfoy's pale head.  
  
"What did you do that for, Harry?" Hermione asked, using her sleeve to wipe some splattered potion from her book. Her face looked almost angry.  
  
"That wasn't me!" Harry shouted defensively. "It was Ron. How could you get us mixed up?"  
  
"I didn't do it!" said Ron.  
  
Harry glared at him.  
  
"Okay, okay, it was my fault, Hermione. I made Harry do it."  
  
Harry's mouth opened and closed but made no sound.  
  
"It's okay, Harry. I'll explain. Hermione, the truth is that we missed you. We want you back."  
  
Hermione grinned. It was way too hard for her to stay mad at Ron. He was too adorable. "Oh, he was starting to get on my nerves again anyway," she said.  
  
Suddenly Malfoy stared around blankly. "Where am I?" he asked.  
  
"This is called the library, Draco," explained Hermione.  
  
Malfoy gasped. "No!" He turned and ran, not even stopping to ask why he was covered in slime.  
  
Suddenly Neville Longbottom rushed by, carrying a goblet of pink liquid. "Hermione! I did it! I perfected Lockhart's potion. I did it right!" Then, as was customary for Neville, he tripped on the leg of the chair Malfoy had just deserted, and suddenly Harry was drenched in pink goop.  
  
Everyone gasped and then Harry's eyes glazed over.  
  
"Hermione!" he said excitedly.  
  
"Not again," Ron and Hermione sighed together.  
  
"You know," continued Hermione. "I would enjoy this a whole lot more if people didn't need a potion to fall in love with me.  
  
"I didn't need one," said Ron quietly.  
  
FIN 


End file.
